What we often see on social media are stories of success or of people who have already failed and then found success, sharing how they overcame their darkest times. These stories can be inspiring, especially when you’re in a dark place yourself. But it’s also understandable that when we’re at our lowest, talking about it doesn’t always help. In this blog I am going to talk about my current mental state and how I feel I am not enough.
I’m a software engineer with 10 years of experience, and I’ve always dreamed of working at a big tech company someday. Now in my mid 30s, I genuinely believe I’m good at what I do. Recently, I interviewed at a company that isn’t FAANG, but close enough in scale and standards. I made it through the coding and system design rounds but was rejected in the end.
It bruised my ego and left me feeling like a failure. It’s been hard to remind myself that it was just one interview and that there will be others. At this point I am feeling like enough is enough and I don’t need to proof myself to others anymore. Nothing and no company/ person deserves that much of importance that I should destroy my inner peace trying to pursue it. On top of that when you talk to people they will be telling you to think deep, asking why you feeling that way, its not the end of the world.. bla bla…
It is easy to advice people when they are down. But when you are the one facing it, the feelings are anger, ego, sad, resentful, indignant and all the other plethora of negative words.
I know that, in time, these feelings will fade, and I’ll look back on this as one of those experiences that shaped my thoughts and perspective. But right now, what matters most is allowing myself to feel it fully. Talking to people during a low moment can be frustrating because, often, all of us ( myself included ) rush to make the person feel better or turn it into a “lesson.” Sometimes, though, we don’t need a lesson. We just need to rant.
I used to be guilty of wanting to fix things whenever someone shared how they felt. Over time, I realized that isn’t always the right approach. Sometimes, the person doesn’t need solutions, they just need someone to listen. Their problems are theirs to work through, just as mine are now.
I am not sure how to end this blog as this is a rant. However, I will end it here and till next time (not sure when) I will write again.